Naysium Exposes Scandal at SHIT

Jim Naysium, Central Boynton High School's Athletic Facilities Custodian, is known for his keen sense of saw dust, diarrhea, and a Lassie-like ability for sniffing out trouble. Late this morning, Naysium dropped a huge bomb, proving true the lingering rumors that members of the custodial staff at the School for Hearing Impaired Teachers (SHIT) are, and have been, using performance enhancing drugs on-the-job.

Naysium, during an impromptu news conference in Central Boynton's cookie and ice cream sandwich lunch line, said he had a source inside the SHIT that told him of the wrong doing. "Anyone who has spent any time in the SHIT knows something ain't right," Naysium said. "Those guys are able to clean up diarrhea spills in less than five minutes. My best time is 8 minutes 32 seconds, and I've been in this business a long time."

When asked about his source, Naysium said that he sent an uncover operative into the SHIT to pose as a hearing impaired teacher. "I know a gumshoe, he's sniffed around SHIT before," Naysium said. The source said that he saw two janitors inject each other with a custodial enhancing substance known on the street as Janitrol. A spokesman for the SHIT said they would withhold comment until a through examination of the SHIT is conducted.

Naysium hopes that the recent bust in the SHIT leads to a comprehensive testing program for all janitorial engineers. "It's time for custodians everywhere to rise up and demand a thorough drug testing program so that the shit that goes on at SHIT doesn't cast a dirty cloud over our proud profession."

When asked how he felt about exposing his fellow custodians, Naysium flashed a shit eating grin and said "I got those nuts in the SHIT good."