I Can and WILL Wear Sweat Pants

Got a note from the principal this morning telling me I, "cannot, under any circumstances, wear sweat pants to work anymore." He goes on to say that I, "must, without a doubt, wear underwear to work everyday."

It seems that certain members of the faculty have taken note of my bulge. For this I apologize. But what I will not apologize for is the fact that sweat pants sans underwear offers me the comfort and stability I need to perform my duties at the highest level. The added nuisance of boxers or briefs leads to chafing and/or general discomfort.

Even though every now and then I tend to be aroused by the female members of the faculty and/or student body, this does not entitle the principal to revoke my sweatpants privileges. Nowhere in the employee handbook does it say I must wear regular pants and underwear, and until that time I shan continue to dress the way I see fit, and I shan continue to pop wood.