I Swear The Festering Wound On My Mouth Isn't Herpes

Seriously, ladies: It's ok to kiss me. You won't catch anything. From what I've heard, herpes comes and goes, right? Well, what I've got has been on there for a while, and it ain't going nowhere.

You all remember that student-teacher Ms. Johnson, right? She didn't get herpes. She died of some sort of beef drape deficiency. I had nothing to do with that.

So, disregard that memo the school nurse sent out. I personally guarantee that you will be safe coming within ten feet of me. On top of that, I'll give you my prescription for Valtrex if you do contract something. That's for my genital herpes, but I assume that it would work on your mouth, too.