<$Janitor Nation Janitors Custodian Custodians Central Boynton Beach High School CBBHS CBB$>

Monday, April 25, 2005

A Janitor's Sacrifice



Every nine weeks, I'm unlucky enough - or just plain dumb - to manage to stumble upon some rare disease or illness. I guess that shit just comes with the glory of being a Custodial Engineer.

You name it, I've had it.

Even worse: You've never heard of it, I've had it. To name a few:

Painter's Taint
Old German Snatch Attack
Blistered Nutsack
Stringbean Penis
Dick's Covered Wagon
Speckled Wanger
Whispering Pubes
The Grieving Erection
Five Alarm Shanker
Disappointed Grundle

Maybe I should stop rubbing my genitals on everything in the bathroom.

Wednesday, April 13, 2005

Menial Madness - Round 1: (1) Mr. Miyagi vs. (8) James St. James and Carl Taylor

  VS 




Round 1 of the Sanitation Showdown continues as one of the all
time great sanitation engineers takes on a pretty boy garbage man duo.

Mr. Miyagi

What is there to say that has not already been said about Mr. Miyagi.

A custodial engineer with a black belt!. If we could all be so lucky. When I think about Mr. Miyagi I think about the scene from Karate Kid I where he jumps the fence and saves Daniel San from the skeleton clad Cobra Kai. To Daniel, it all seemed like a dream, but for us Janitors, it was the ultimate fantasy: Five minutes, alone in a dark alley, with the most rotten punks from the local high school. What a dream!!!

And Miyagi was brilliant too. Using the guise of karate instruction, he got Daniel San to clean his entire house, paint his fence, wash his cars, and sand his floors. No matter what kind of Janitor mind tricks I use here at CBHS, I cannot even get these kids to stop peeing on the toilet seats.

Mr. Miyagi: The Man, The Myth, The Legend.

James St. James & Carl Taylor

These guys are better known as the garbage man duo from the really crappy 1990 film Men at Work. Not to be confused with the terrific 80s rock band Men at Work who brought us such timeless hits as "Who Can It Be Now" and "Down Under" (six foot four and full of muscles - that's a big dude.)

Anyway, I honestly do not even know how these guys got into the Sanitation Showdown. Other than the fact that these guys are trash men, they really suck all around. A plot synopsis of Men at Work says it all:

"Carl and James are two pleasant but unambitious garbage men. Carl has a telescope with which he observes his neighbors. One evening he sees a man giving a female neighbor a hard time. As she leaves he shoots the man with a pellet gun. Hiding, he and James miss two men strangling the man and leaving with the body. When he appears in a can on their route they are afraid and hide the body, fearing that they may be implicated in the death. Trying to crack the case, they spy on the woman, join up with a slightly to majorly crazed Vietnam vet, kidnap a pizza man and help to protect the ecology." (www.imdb.com)

What the hell is that shit??? This could be the worst movie of all time!! Vote for whomever you want but I really hope these guys lose miserably.

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Fortune, the janitor with a heart of gold from Rudy, is the first custodial engineer to move on in our competition, defeating Prince Akeem & Simmi by only three votes!

Friday, April 08, 2005

Has Anyone Seen This Tooth?



Missing: One front tooth. Yellowish in color. Cavity on backside. Last felt in my mouth in the hallway between the cafeteria and the Lecture Hall before I bit into a Snickers bar. Slight chance it was swallowed with candy, but inspection of feces yielded no tooth.

If found, please return to the Janitor's Break Room. Not to be confused with other tooth that went missing a few months back. That tooth has been located.

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